god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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