I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
