I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
