Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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