Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
