I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
