i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
