I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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