He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
