Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
