I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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