well I can't set my house on fire every night
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
