i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
