I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
