this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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