i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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