I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
