Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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