Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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