Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
