everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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