good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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