dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize