First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
