I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
