I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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