you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
