so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
BRING THE BAGELS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
