just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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