Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
