I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
