i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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