Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
