Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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