to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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