Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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