so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
where are you?
Hypothermia
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
