True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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