Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
