i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
