He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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