Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
