fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
