One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
