that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
