It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
