Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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