He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
two words: eviction party
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
