i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
