what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
