i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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