i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
