alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
