i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
