I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can text with my tongue
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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