Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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