we're blogging at a bar
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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