Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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