I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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