So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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