So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
