you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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