I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
