there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize