Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
