I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
