Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
