whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
