Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
